You better dress up for Mass in Rhode Island

RNS has this story from David Gibson: “Bishop’s rant on summer church slobs: ‘Sacred space or airport terminal?’” It’s about a column Bishop Thomas Tobin of Rhode Island wrote.

Tobin does enjoy a reputation as a conservative hard-liner in the hierarchy,

Gibson writes.

In an instantly quotable column published last week, Bishop Thomas Tobin of Rhode Island took on one of the clergy’s long-standing laments and launched an impressive broadside against “the sloppy and even offensive way people dress while attending Mass” in the summertime.

It’s a memorable rhetorical outburst, even for the outspoken Tobin, and it’s one that may alternately irk, or shame, Mass-goers — as well as finding more than a few pastors nodding in agreement.

And Gibson enjoys quoting lines like this:

“Hirsute flabmeisters spreading out in the pew, wearing wrinkled, very-short shorts and garish, unbuttoned shirts; mature women with skimpy clothes that reveal way too much, slogging up the aisle accompanied by the flap-flap-flap of their flip-flops; hyperactive gum-chewing kids with messy hair and dirty hands, checking their iPhones and annoying everyone within earshot or eyesight.

“C’mon —even in the summer, a church is a church, not a beach or a pool deck,” the bishop wrote.

I don’t have any plans to be in Rhode Island this summer, but if I did, I’d be relieved to be able to avoid the issue by wearing my monk’s habit to church in Tobin’s diocese.

In fact, I’m sympathetic to the bishop. I think it’d be a better world and church if Christians showed greater outward respect for the sacred mysteries celebrated in the liturgy.

The tricky part is how to promote that. We’re up against very powerful cultural forces. I see that when Gibson posted this story on Facebook, among the first three comments was this one:

They should take themselves, their wardrobe and their money to a church that welcomes them.

Stuff like that is how lots of people think today. How best to welcome them and accept them and form them ?

I’m sure some would say that Tobin should lighten up. But… bringing coffee mugs and water bottles to Mass? Really?

 

 

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Katharine E. Harmon, Ph.D., edits the blog, Pray Tell: Worship, Wit & Wisdom.

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Comments

34 responses to “You better dress up for Mass in Rhode Island”

  1. Fritz Bauerschmidt

    I suppose the bishop is attempting wit (Evelyn Waugh he ain’t), but “hirsuite flabmeister”? Does one need electrolysis and a gym membership to make the cut? “Hyper-active…kids”? May God bless him someday with the care of children.

    Reply
  2. Doug O'Neill

    Is it really necessary for Gibson to refer to the “conservative hard-liner” stuff and the reception of communion? What does that have to do with Mass decorum? I’m sympathetic toward it, too, although it’s not right to bring obesity and age into it, as if it’s fine for young attractive people to dress that way.

    My wife Sujin played for a while at a church (not Catholic) that encouraged people to bring coffee into the church. That’s been a trend – some hip evangelical churches have actually opened coffee bars in the actual church to attract young people. I’ve never heard of that happening in a Catholic Church, but never say never.

    Reply
  3. Charles Jordan

    View from the pew
    Regarding: “…mature women with skimpy clothes that reveal way too much, …”
    – Lot to be said for “seeing but not looking”.
    – More to be said for “rejoice, God’s children have arrived”.
    – If culturally or regionally specific sartorial standards must be articulated then they should be done with dignity and without the casting of aspersions.

    Reply
  4. Claire Mathieu

    “skimpy clothes that reveal way too much”…

    That reminds me of a recent confirmation rehearsal.

    The head catechist asked the youth to come towards the sanctuary and bow, one by one in turn. He stood there in the place of the bishop. I watched the youth come up and bow to him one by one. After a dozen or so, I commented that this catechist job did have its perks. He reddened a bit and sped up the bowing rehearsal, faster and faster.

    I had meant that it must give one a feeling of power to see one person after another bowing in front of them (especially teenagers!), but at the end of rehearsal, he asked that for confirmation, on the next day, the teenage girls make sure to wear clothes that would be appropriately modest even when they bowed. I then realized that he had interpreted my comment differently from how I had meant it…

    Reply
  5. Rita Ferrone

    I’m in favor of dressing up for church, but also of practicing a generous tolerance for people who don’t. If the community as a whole sets a tone of respectful behavior and dignified attire, it will “teach” without words. It gets to be “the way we do things” and a matter of positive feeling rather than punitive feeling. The power of example is a more effective teacher than exhortation. It is certainly more effective than shaming people who are physically unattractive!

    Reply
  6. Sean Keeler

    While on vacation to Hawaii I attended a church a block from the beach. It had a sign on the entryway that said simply:

    As you will dress appropriately for playing in the ocean,
    Please dress appropriately for praying in our church.

    Reply
  7. Ed Nash

    Two ways to deal with this…

    Hand every one a white robe as they enter…

    Turn the air conditioning to 60 degrees…

    Sometimes when we are camping in the summer and find a nearby Catholic Church, the locals get my formal sweat pants and my nice flannel shirt. But we overpay for the donuts and the 4-H club sponsored fresh eggs for sale outside the Church Doors and take some newly shared farm produce set out on the sidewalk. They welcome us with open arms and tell us to come back soon.

    You’re right though…flip flops are tacky.

    Reply
  8. Peter Rehwaldt

    I think it’d be a better world and church if Christians showed greater outward respect for the sacred mysteries celebrated in the liturgy.

    It would also be a better world if those charged with leading the worship of the Christian community showed greater outward respect for the sacred people of God.

    If children are checking their iPhones during worship, that’s at least as big an indictment of those leading worship for failing to engage them in what is happening as it is a critique of parents for not correcting them. “Put that down and at least pretend to care about what’s going on” is not exactly what we’re looking for here.

    Similarly, if Tobin is critiquing primarily vacationers for not packing their Sunday best for a weekend trip to the beach, he might want to thank them instead for attending mass at all, rather than choosing to include vacation from mass in their vacation from work.

    Reply
    1. Alan Hommerding

      @Peter Rehwaldt:
      “If children are checking their iPhones during worship, that’s at least as big an indictment of those leading worship for failing to engage them in what is happening as it is a critique of parents for not correcting them.”

      I’m not so sure about this – I’ve seen teens & young adults & older adults checking their phones during a variety of activities – dinner with family, riding a bicycle, at all three of the “Hobbit” movies, and so on. I see my liturgy and music colleagues doing it during very engaging presentations at conferences. The “device at all times” behavior of the surrounding culture is under indictment here, at least as much as the engaging quality of the liturgy.

      Reply
      1. Doug O'Neill

        @Alan Hommerding:
        People have at least as much, if not more, responsibility, to allow themselves to be engaged, as the people presenting/planning to engage them. I think that says something about the way we do liturgy. As the saying goes, “The Mass isn’t boring. You’re boring.”

      2. Rob Stoltz

        @Alan Hommerding:
        Alan: you are so right about the “device at all times.” I deplore that culture.

  9. Norman Borelli

    “Look, here comes everybody.”

    Would the bishop prefer that they not show up at all?

    I can understand where he is coming from in once sense, but overall he should be glad they are at mass and let’s face it, this is pretty far down the list of problems the church is facing. Then again given Bishop Tobin’s usual agenda and bluster it would not surprise me that he would NOT want to talk about Laudato Si.

    Reply
  10. Bryan Walsh

    I actually am sympathetic to some of the points made by the Bishop, even as I also strongly think that the Ordinary’s column–much less in the weeks leading up to a major papal encyclical–is better suited to other matters. From my bird’s eye view as a cantor, I have in recent years increasingly witnessed chewing gum, Starbucks cups, as well as attire that certainly wouldn’t be appropriate even on a casual Friday at any given generic office environment. These isolated incidents nonetheless represent nowhere near a matter that should rise to the level of an episcopal pastoral priority; I would imagine most parishes are like my own, where I am proud to say the vast majority dress and act respectfully. A gum chewer is probably more than a minor irritant to his or her fellow pew-mates, and it shouldn’t be that difficult to show the decorum one would in similar non-recreational venues–but I am with Rita Ferrone (above) in that this is in most cases best led by the example of the laity in the pews.

    Reply
  11. Scott Pluff

    This bishop sees this as a choice between a) people come to church dressed casually or b) people come to church dressed up. I suspect that the people he is addressing would see the choice as a) go to church dressed casually or b) don’t go to church.

    I suppose if all the casually-dressed people just didn’t show up next Sunday, that would solve the problem.

    Reply
  12. Brian Duffy

    It’s a wonder that more people in that place are not making their way to S. Patrick’s Church in Cranston which I hear is quite a welcoming place.

    Reply
  13. Jeffrey Maurer

    I was at a wake in a funeral home and someone was wearing a tube top but even elementary schools send home dress code stuff too. It’s just a sign of a more slobby culture (check out all the tats) nothing anti-church per se. While he’s generally correct Bishop Tobin should have done what I do, wait a day, have someone you trust read it, and then hit send.

    Reply
  14. Chip Stalter

    It’s not casual vs. dressed up. It’s appropriate vs. inapropriate. When I see people show up in a Harley T-shirt with a bikin clad girl on it, that’s inappropriate. A nice pair of jeans and a golf shirt, is appropriate. You’re coming to the place where heaven meets earth, and if you believe that (or why are you even attending) then take a minute to ensure that your inner state of mind is reflected in your outward appearance.

    Reply
  15. Paul Fell

    Peter Rehwaldt : I think it’d be a better world and church if Christians showed greater outward respect for the sacred mysteries celebrated in the liturgy. It would also be a better world if those charged with leading the worship of the Christian community showed greater outward respect for the sacred people of God. If children are checking their iPhones during worship, that’s at least as big an indictment of those leading worship for failing to engage them in what is happening as it is a critique of parents for not correcting them. “Put that down and at least pretend to care about what’s going on” is not exactly what we’re looking for here. Similarly, if Tobin is critiquing primarily vacationers for not packing their Sunday best for a weekend trip to the beach, he might want to thank them instead for attending mass at all, rather than choosing to include vacation from mass in their vacation from work.

    I mostly agree with your last statement–I don’t pack a suit for Mass when I’m on vacation either. I also agree with your comment about respect for the worshipers, as it is a two-way street. However, that’s not the main point, as I see it.

    1) Modesty as a form of Christian charity is disappearing fast. I think the good Bishop was trying to get at that as much as anything.

    2) Despite what society desperately tries to impose on the church, Mass is not a market-based commodity. If the key ingredient that makes Mass worth attending is it’s entertainment value or even the ability of the Reader/Priest to be engaging, then we have much larger problems to address than even modesty! If people don’t invest any effort in Mass attendance and participation, I don’t think they can, in turn, lay all the problems at the parish door. “It’s all YOUR fault that I can’t pay attention.” That’s disingenuous.

    Reply
    1. Peter Rehwaldt

      @Paul Fell:
      The people who come to mass — whatever their attire — have invested effort. They have shown up. They have decided that it is a good thing to come. They have decided to put aside other options, from sleeping in to reading the Sunday paper to going out to an early brunch to working another shift, and joined with the worshiping community. For parents (or even more so, a single parent) with kids, they have decided to gather the clan, feed them, get them out of their pajamas and dressed, and off to worship. This takes effort, even if the children want to go to worship.

      Please do not diminish the effort that has been expended by those who attend.

      Sadly, far too often, they do this in spite of, rather than because of, the welcome that they may receive from the leaders of that community. Sermons that regularly go over the heads of those without a college degree or multiple years of religious education teach these hearers that they are not really welcome. Greeters who tsk tsk over someone’s flip-flops tell them they are not really welcome. Those of us who lead worship bear responsibility for how we welcome everyone, and while Bishop Tobin’s admitted rant might make him and some other clergy feel good to get it off his chest, I doubt it helps in the long run.

      On the second Sunday after I arrived at one of my former parishes, in the silence after the first reading, the acolyte sitting across the chancel from me bumped against his taper leaning in its position against the wall, and it went crashing noisily to the floor. Every eye in the sanctuary swung toward the acolyte, and then immediately went to me. I gestured to him to pick it up, then gave him a little “OK” with my fingers. After worship, I was told by more than one attendee that my predecessor would have called down thunder and lightning on the acolyte, either immediately pulling him into the sacristy or doing it right there in the chancel.

      They were grateful for my very different reaction.

      Reply
      1. Doug O'Neill

        @Peter Rehwaldt:
        The best teachers I have had are the ones who are both intellectual and able to relate to the student. They were also not afraid of telling me something I could improve, rather than inflating my ego by saying everything was great. That is just being honest and caring. I always tell my students that the reason I am critical is because I care about them developing their potential. Most of them appreciate it. If I thought they were incapable of it, I wouldn’t give an effort at all. Although it’s easy to go over the edge with the brow-beating sinner stuff, if we have a culture wherein people simply leave every time they are challenged by something, we have a serious problem. Regarding your story of the acolyte, I realize this was an accident, but I’m going to pretend it was a mistake. There is a third way, other than just telling somebody “It’s OK” or yelling at them – it’s sitting down with them and assuring them that mistakes are made, and they are not stupid for doing it, but hey, let’s see what we can do to avoid doing this in the future. What happened, and is there a way to fix it so we can be better?

      2. Aaron Sanders

        @Peter Rehwaldt:
        “The people who come to mass — whatever their attire — have invested effort. ”

        Lk 17:10: “So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.'”

        Is it better to do the right thing than not? Sure. But that doesn’t mean most people deserve a medal for getting their backside into a pew. While we must search out ways of effectively communicating that there are better and worse ways of fulfilling the obligation to participate in the Sunday assembly, abandoning standards in dress out of thanksgiving that people have bothered to show up at all amounts to abdicating responsibility to care for our brethren. Allowing standards to fall reinforces the suspicion that this liturgical worship thing isn’t a serious matter to be taken seriously by serious people – and if not that, then perhaps it’s just as dispensable as the rest of the world claims. Overlooking lax dress may be intended as welcoming, but is it really well-suited to maintain or even buoy the conviction that liturgy is worth doing?

      3. Peter Rehwaldt

        @Aaron Sanders:

        What, exactly, is “lax dress”? Does a poor person, whose best outfit fails to meet that standard, then automatically get excluded? Must men wear ties and jackets, as if the church is an exclusive country club with a dress code that must be adhered to for admission? I have attended parishes where a woman without a hat is considered underdressed, regardless of what she is wearing below her neck, and I have been in parishes where a woman wearing a hat is seen as an oddity and curiosity. Which standard is correct, and on what basis do you say that? Do the standards change, depending on the worship space — a cathedral with a good temperature-control system vs an outdoor event down by the riverside vs an un-airconditioned sanctuary that is stifling in summer? What merits adjustments to these standards, and on what basis? And, more importantly, who gets to decide?

        Jesus did not say “Blessed are the piously dressed, for they shall see God.”

        No, when I think of what Jesus had to say about clothing and worship, I think of Mark 12:38-40: “As he [Jesus] taught, he said, “Beware of the scribes, who like to walk around in long robes, and to be greeted with respect in the marketplaces, and to have the best seats in the synagogues and places of honor at banquets! They devour widows’ houses and for the sake of appearance say long prayers. They will receive the greater condemnation.””

        As an ordained pastor with a PhD and a closet of long clerical robes, who is often told “come, sit at the head table”, this sobers me up quickly when the discussion turns to clothing.

      4. Aaron Sanders

        @Peter Rehwaldt:
        We are not too far removed from the days when one’s “Sunday best” often may have been the only “nicer” outfit he had, reserved for church-going; in his younger days my uncle’s only pair of shoes was reserved for Sunday use (the other six days he went barefoot). Even the poor made an effort to acknowledge the sanctity of worship through their dress. That *effort* is the point, not so much attaining any single, “objective” standard. The regional or local standard ought to take into account how the parish and surrounding community dress in everyday life, dress for special events, what level of effort/expense is both reasonable and sustainable, etc., but in general it should produce some norms that ask us to give at least as much attention and effort to our dress at Mass as we do for other, less-important occasions (do I try harder to dress nicely for a weekly dinner date or the monthly concert series than I do for Mass?). In a parish full of professionals who wear ties or suits every other day for work it may indeed seem “lax” to show up in anything less. But in the poorest blue-collar communities a pair of slacks and polo shirt might really be upping the ante for Mass. Whomever else we may involve in the negotiation of standards, at any rate, it would seem that one’s God-given shepherd should certainly have a strong say; he should know the world in which his flock lives and recognize if certain things generally represent dressing up – or down.

      5. Paul Fell

        @Peter Rehwaldt:

        Again, I agree with part of what you said. Yes, people have, as you put it, “shown up” and for some families, that’s no small amount of effort. They did forego other items and it can be a major effort. My Father-in-law is in cancer hospice, and for him, just attending is exhausting. All the same, he concentrates, even when it’s difficult, he’s making the effort and being fully present at the Mass.

        Part of my previous point was this: do we show up with a chip on our shoulder and an attitude of “I may have to be here, but I don’t have to like it”, or do we come with an attitude of gratitude for God’s gifts and mercy? Do we come with an air of “now, entertain me so I can get through this” or do we put some effort into actually hearing Christ in the Scriptures and focusing on the presence of Christ in the Eucharist? Attitude counts, and just “showing up” doesn’t cut it (not just with church). Christ himself said in Revelation that he would “spit out” the churches who were lukewarm toward him. Now, some weeks, all of us have a less-than-optimal attitude, but how do we act most of the time? How do we exemplify and model the love, gratitude, and humility we have toward God?

        I agree that parish volunteers and staff bear SOME responsibility for people’s attitudes regarding their experience at Mass. That’s very fair. But this constant refrain of “everyone else must cater to my individual needs and wants” in and out of Mass is not modest, not humble, and ultimately, not Christian. We’re developing into a church that’s not too “horizontal” or too “vertical” but too “single point”–and that single point is “ME”. If you don’t approve of “what I want” and “what I like”, I’ll just stop coming.

        Yes, the Bishop’s word choice was not optimal and could have been better. Even so, IMO, we *should* teach people in humility with good examples AND correction, as St. Paul did. Even Christ let people walk away at times.

      6. Peter Rehwaldt

        @Paul Fell:

        Attitude counts

        Absolutely, which is what bothers me about Bishop Tobin’s comments. His assumption — presumption, really — is that anyone who shows up with what he considers to be inappropriate clothing has but one attitude: you are lazy and don’t care.

        Sorry, but I disagree.

        Are there some who have that attitude? Sure. Are there others who do not, and yet whose attire isn’t up to Bishop Tobin’s standards? Yes. Does Bishop Tobin condemn them anyway? Sadly, yes.

        Now, some weeks, all of us have a less-than-optimal attitude, but how do we act most of the time? How do we exemplify and model the love, gratitude, and humility we have toward God? . . .

        Yes, the Bishop’s word choice was not optimal and could have been better. Even so, IMO, we *should* teach people in humility with good examples AND correction, as St. Paul did.

        Bishop Tobin wasn’t teaching, and he certainly wasn’t humble or modest. He was scolding in an overbearing, judgmental manner, and painting a portion of his flock with a very broad brush. It’s not that it could have been better, but *should* have been better.

        Pope Francis has famously said something along the lines of “Shepherds should smell like the sheep,” which is a far cry from “sheep should be properly bathed and groomed.” When Bishop Tobin is confronted by sheep who smell, perhaps he should be among them a bit more fully rather than whining about the odor.

  16. Claire Mathieu

    “You’re coming to the place where heaven meets earth, and”
    … and I am very aware that when we go and see God face to face, we will have nothing with us. That the clothes in which we are buried disappear, we were born with nothing and will die with nothing. I have no interest in the clothes I am wearing in church. The only reason I see for wearing anything is to avoid distracting the other people present, and therefore, that suggests that it would be nice to try to fit in and not attract attention. Avoid dressing up if people around me are all dressed down, avoid dressing down if they are all dressed up.

    Reply
  17. Lee Bacchi

    Not terribly surprising from this bishop, and others like him. I have seen such thoughts expressed in parish bulletins, and the current Sourcebook for Sundays and Seasons from LTP in Chicago has one as well.

    Reply
  18. Eileen Russell

    “Why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but pay no attention to the log in your own eye?”

    Shorts, shirts, flip-flops, messy hair, dirty hands, and iPhones: This is what you see – not the People of God? I feel sorry for you.
    Perhaps you need some time off – try the beach or a pool deck!

    Reply
  19. Linda Reid

    Ok, I minister in Providence and Tobin is our Ordinary. Personally, I agree with WHAT he is saying. We SHOULD show respect for what we are doing by our outward appearance! (and I am not talking about designer clothing and fancy suits and such – I am talking about clean clothing that covers the body – at least MOST of it!!) This is especially important for those who put forth their service to the liturgy as lay ministers!!!
    But I also agree that he should have been MUCH more tactful in his verbal presentation.

    Reply
  20. Linda Daily

    When Bishop Tobin similarly scolds the perfume drenched, furcoat wearing ladies, then I’ll pay attention. We all have our pet peeves, but shouldn’t make assumptions about the quality or depth of another’s faith life based on appearance.

    Reply
  21. Jared Ostermann

    It seems condescending to me to say “what if people are too poor to dress well?” As if poor people can’t help looking run-down. I’m always impressed at our parish with the sudanese/eritrean community (many if not most of whose members work very difficult low-level jobs such as the local meat-packing plant). Without fail, they are dressed to the nines every time they show up at church, whether in western suits and ties, or their own traditional clothing. It’s a question of cultural training and priority more than income.

    That said, I certainly don’t endorse the tone of Bishop Tobin’s comments above. There has to be a way to say this more constructively and sensitively.

    Reply
  22. Paul Fell

    Peter,

    Aaron Sanders – Comment #27: This.

    The pastor of a parish (and maybe the bishop of the diocese, depending on the situation) has a good idea of what the socioeconomic situation is and what is reasonable. It is well within his purview to address this with his flock.

    My goal is not to harp on people’s ability to by custom suits. That’s not reasonable. However, I do have a problem with well-to-do parishioners showing up in beachwear and flip-flops on a regular basis, not just on odd occasions (and our parish is land-locked in the middle of the country–we’re nowhere near any coastline). In all honestly, I don’t even wear a suit to Mass except for funerals and specific Holy Days. I don’t want people to feel that they are second-class parishioners because they don’t wear a tie. I’m very conscious of that, so I never require my musicians or other liturgical ministers to wear suits or formal dresses.

    By the same token, I have a problem with well-off families who regularly show up late and then leave early AND wear inappropriate / immodest clothing for Mass AND spend part of the time taking phone calls (yes, without leaving the pew) and returning texts during Mass AND letting their kids run amok. Last time I checked, charity and compassion runs both ways. If you want people to treat you with respect, then you need to offer respect in return.

    Peter, you mentioned the Pharisees in their long robes. Good example. I would offer Christ’s question to the wedding guest who was inappropriately dressed. What we wear and how we prepare for anything is a reflection of our attitude towards it. That’s why athletes who won’t hustle get benched. It’s a reminder that they aren’t giving their “A” game and their head isn’t in the right place. If we’re willing to do that with athletes when sports are just a game, why are we unwilling to be accountable when our relationship with Christ is infinitely more important?

    Reply
  23. Paul R. Schwankl

    A former pastor of mine reported that he had once sounded off to a previous parish—whether from the ambo or in the bulletin I don’t recall—about dressing more becomingly for Mass. Sometime later he ran into a parishioner in town and remarked that he hadn’t seen her in a while. She answered that she’d been staying away from church because she was afraid her clothes weren’t good enough. He resolved then and there never again to say anything to his congregations about their dress.

    Reply
  24. Karl Liam Saur

    In American culture, the power to dress down in work and other situations that formerly demanded high style is a reversed sign. That’s another reason that makes it difficult for clergy to navigate well.

    Reply

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