A little satire for your Thursday from the Onion, which reports that the Pope is really nervous as his “performance review” approaches.
Francis, who is employed as Vicar of Christ, Successor to the Throne of Saint Peter, and Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church, is required by Vatican workplace guidelines to meet at least once a year with his immediate superior, God, and participate in an official evaluation of his strengths and weaknesses on the job, a formality of the position that, by all accounts, has led to a bout of nerves for the pope.
“I feel like I’m doing pretty good work—I’ve prayed harder, increased my total blessings over last year’s numbers—but who among us knows what He thinks?” said Francis, who was seen this morning restlessly pacing across the Seconda Loggia of the Apostolic Palace and wiping his forehead with a cassock sleeve. “I’m sure I could stand to step up my shepherding of the faithful a bit. Maybe squeeze in a few more canonizations. Am I being penitent enough on a daily basis? I don’t know.”
No word on whether the Pope and God will discuss his speech before a joint meeting of Congress, confirmed today by U.S. House Speaker Boehner.
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