Open discussion: Introducing yourself to neighbors

It’s that time of year when there might be a special announcement right before Mass starts. “Before we begin our celebration today,” a lector might read, “let us take a moment and introduce ourselves to those around us.”

I always find this an exceedingly awkward moment. I’m blessed to attend church with friends or family, so, I’m “introducing” myself to someone I know well. It would feel rude not to. In large churches, everyone is spread out (like good Catholics!) and I’m often a fair distance away from anyone I don’t know. Those are the pragmatic reasons. Another reason is — well, having attended so many Masses, I know what the script says, and this is a definite departure from the way things are “supposed” to go. I suspect many Catholics, like myself, feel vaguely uneasy when that happens.

There are good reasons to use this “rite.” I think of a friend, visiting the USA to study, who told me that for her first few months here, the only time she got to touch another person was at the Sign of Peace. I think of travelers, visitors, estranged family members, people looking for a church community and people returning after a long absence. And I think of the fact that church is countercultural — that we will willingly gather in the same place with people whom we may not see otherwise — people who dress, eat, or even vote differently than we do — and how important it is to remind ourselves of that fact.

What do you think of this practice?  Are there ways you’ve seen it work especially well?

Chris Ángel

Chris has served as a church musician in the Roman Catholic church for over twenty-five years. He holds degrees in mathematical and computational science, music performance, and theology from Stanford University, the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, and Saint John's School of Theology·Seminary. He served as an editorial assistant for <I>Pray Tell</I> from 2010 to 2012, and he is currently pursuing a Ph.D. in Theology (Liturgical Studies) at the University of Notre Dame.

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Comments

55 responses to “Open discussion: Introducing yourself to neighbors”

  1. Jordan Zarembo

    The introduction to Mass is “In the name of the Father + and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit”, followed by a greeting or the judica me, depending on persuasion.

    I personally seek out churches where there is no conversation before Mass and where the Pax is pronounced by the priest but no sign is made by the people (even at the Ordinary Form). Some people choose to make a gesture, but the priests move on to the Agnus Dei without delay.

    There are other ways to show peace. Charity, true compassion, kind words, and conversation without condescension are all central to Christian life. These actions cannot be communicated with a handshake alone. I find that the OF’s insertion of an optional “sign of peace” is an interruption which demonstrates a trite, and not sincere, friendliness.

    The older tradition of coffee after Mass is a more suitable time for sincere socialization. One parish I attend offers coffee after the “family” OF Mass; another after the EF high Mass. This way, parishioners can get to know one another without disturbing the quiet of the church. Is the coffee hour an extension of worship? Yes. Parish fellowship underscores that the church is more than a sacramental factory. It is crucial to have separate times and places for worship and fellowship, however.

    EDIT: Let me add that large parishes could rotate the coffee hour between different Mass times. Even so, I find that option more preferable than conflating socialization with worship.

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  2. Terri Miyamoto

    We started it several years ago as a result of Adult Faith Formation process. People commented that they see the same people every week in church, but when they pass them in the supermarket, they don’t even know their names. I, being high on the introvert scale, am with the uncomfortable faction. I suspect that we are in the majority, but it’s common enough in other places and not so obnoxious that people go along with it.

    To give it some context — we are a parish with >7000 registered families, so it’s not like people can be expected to know everyone else, no matter how many activities and projects are happening. There was a desire for a bit more “personalization.” Is this the right way? Not sure.

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  3. Jennifer Budziak

    I think this is one of those issues that’s going to depend on the personality and values of the parish. I just finished 9 years of worship in a parish where a number of people who sat within 10 feet of the organ every single week somehow managed to avoid human contact of any kind with me or any neighbors–including eye contact–even at the sign of peace. (Others would share the sign of peace with a little one-syllable mumble, a flick of eye contact, and a barely perceptible nod.) I don’t see that as a place where this introduction model would have been met with great enthusiasm.

    On the other hand, I visited another parish over last weekend where the introduction was part of the parish tradition, and while no one actually introduced themselves to me per se, the handshake and “good morning” was pleasant enough. This was also a place where the conversation in the pews was pretty consistent right up to the opening announcements, so the introduction sort of represented a focusing and bringing DOWN the noise level, a very different dynamic than we would see in a place where reverent silence marked the moments before the liturgy begins…

    Chalk it up to “cultural adaptation,” maybe?

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  4. Karl Liam Saur

    I question the assumption that there is a genuine need for the formal cue.

    It’s great for extroverts, but not necessarily for introverts. In Catholic circles, the invitation cue will come across more as a command (because of the nature of our liturgical culture – it just is – and Catholics get to have our own liturgical culture just like other denominations, don’t we?) than as something less infringing on personality styles.

    Remember, not all seekers are missing the extroversion they have found elsewhere; many seekers are fleeing it, too.

    If you want to create a safe space for more genuine contact before worship, you need to arrange your narthex and spaces outside the church to invite that more (are there chairs and benches, and outside is there shelter from the elements, for example)?

    Trying to cram that with a quickie at the beginning of liturgy strikes me as empty form over substance, designed more to make ministers think they’ve done “something” rather than actually achieving anything of substance.

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    1. Fr. Allan J. McDonald

      I tend to agree. Catholics have allowed for great anonymity for those who desire it in the church’s nave, before and after Mass. To have anyone tell the congregation to get up and greet each other or let’s all hold hands and pray the Our Father is very manipulative of a gathered community many of whom are not comfortable with these overt signs which are not a part of our little “t” tradition in Catholic churches. But anything to encourage people in a non-manipulative way to socialize, either in the narthex, outside in the “garden” or in the social hall for coffee and conversation, I say go for it. Parish suppers on Wednesday nights are popular in the south for Catholics now as we have followed the good lead of most protestants in this custom.

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      1. Dunstan Harding

        I’ve found in parishes with a lot of people from different cultures (which I’m most familiar with) that the people don’t seem to be drawn to socializing either before or during Mass. We had a lot of people from France and Germany in one parish and they plainly refused to cooperate. Some would even get up and leave if the celebrant invited everyone to introduce himself
        and start chatting .

        I’ve seen a number of Protestant churches in the south have the minister, deacons, and elders chatting with people in the pews BEFORE the service begins. They would introduce visitors to people seated around them. I’ve seen this done in a few Catholic churches too in North Carolina and Virginia and it works pretty well, but usually in smaller parishes.

        One solution, have greeters, the pastor or his assistants shake hands with everyone entering the church, exchanging a few pleasantries, then the greeters can bring up the fellowship hour after Mass.

      2. Fr. Allan J. McDonald

        I have always greeted people in a friendly, discreet way when I move about the Church prior to Mass and I’ve always been in the narthex or outside greeting people as they enter and leave even if I’m not the celebrant of that particular Mass. I think ushers should be friendly and helpful but not imposing. I liked what Fr. Eugene Walsh said that we are all greeters not just some chosen few and that hospitality begins at home as we prepare for Mass, continues when we get to church early (my father always had us in Church 15 minutes before Mass) and that we should be greeting one another in a friendly fashion as we park the car and go toward the church. Fr. Walsh also reminded people to be hospitable to late comers by having the early ones sit toward the front so that the back pews were empty for them who came late and they wouldn’t have to parade to the front to find the empty pews. He also recommended scooting down when someone else wanted to enter the pew rather than making them crawl over you and putting up the kneeler so they didn’t have to walk on it, balancing themselves. I like quiet reverence in the church period, before and after Mass and it is hospitable to create that silence especially for those who wish to pray and meditate. However our church building has no vestibule whatsoever and so many of our parishioners do chat after Mass in the Church, but quietly for the most part and I’m amongst them doing it too.

      3. Jordan Zarembo

        Dunstan Harding on September 8, 2011 – 12:36 pm

        I’ve found in parishes with a lot of people from different cultures (which I’m most familiar with) that the people don’t seem to be drawn to socializing either before or during Mass. We had a lot of people from France and Germany in one parish and they plainly refused to cooperate. Some would even get up and leave if the celebrant invited everyone to introduce himself and start chatting.

        The French and German parishioners are not trying to be uncooperative. They are acting according to the social norms taught to them from childhood. I think they are beautiful social norms, because I was brought up the same way.

        I was brought up to act in a manner that would be considered incredibly stilted by current American standards. Anyone above their early 20’s, unless family or a caretaker, was addressed by title. Even now as an adult, I address people by title even though some literally beg me to call them by their first name. Some even correct me when I use their title. I met each person as a child, so each one is forever linked to their title. When my parents would encounter a person of their parents’ age, it was always title-basis-only even if the person asked my mother and father to call them by their first name.

        The “everyone first name” American style is deeply unsettling for some people, although this might be fading away in American society. I understand that the liberal Catholic worldview might see casual first name introduction as “welcoming”, but it’s paralyzing for people who grew up in societies with a division between the public and private persona. Please be considerate of those who have great difficulty with immediate casual behavior.

      4. Fr. Allan J. McDonald

        Jordan that’s a good point. I came to Georgia from Italy in 1957 as a three year old half-bread, Italian and Canadian. My mother spoke little English and I recall that with her Italian acquaintances of which there were many in our military towns of Atlanta and Augusta, that there was always a formal way to speak to someone that you did not know well and only gradually did you move to a more informal Italian. Boundaries and yes, classes of people were respected. I don’t know how true this still is of Italian culture today in particular or general European culture, but I suspect it has something to do with a more austere an formal way of respecting those you don’t really know that well especially at Church which is seen as a formal setting.

    2. Jack Wayne

      I dislike these sorts of things for the same reason many others stated – it’s very token and shallow. I think a greater reward comes from having friendly greeters and ushers. Newcomers will see the people there as being happy, friendly, and approachable.

      I’ve seen ushers act as greeters, and at our EF Mass we have folks who greet people by making sure they have the papers with the hymns and readings (and the ubiquitous red books if they need them). It’s good to have visible people that newcomers can go to.

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  5. Sandi Brough

    400 priests in Austria are finally starting a new reformation along the Vatican II trajectory, and the biggest concern over here is whether to say hi to people before mass? Lord have mercy. Wake up people, the existing hierarchs debating the fine points of “liturgy” is like Gadhafi debating gold or silver faucets for his palace bathroom!

    Reply
    1. Anthony Ruff, OSB Avatar
      Anthony Ruff, OSB

      I see your point but I disagree.

      I just heard someone say that Obama never should have worried about the environment or healthcare when the economy was the main problem. My response is the same as what I would say to you: Just because there are really big issues doesn’t mean that we can’t attend to less big issues or even small issues.

      Heck, I’m still worrying about how to interpret the quilisma and episema when I conduct Gregorian chant, and I’m still trying to do my Bach ornaments true to Baroque organ practice – even though the economy is in awful shape and the Church is in awful shape.

      So I’m all for discussing rather unimportant questions like whether to greet each other before Mass.

      FWIW, I would say NO. Do that on your way into church – in the parking lot, in the entry way, in the vestibule, in the gathering space.

      awr

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    2. Jeffrey Pinyan

      … and the giant internet hand of spanking has arrived.

      Reply
  6. Bill deHaas

    Sandi = +1

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  7. Earle Luscombe

    In the parish where I am organist, the former pastor did it this way, two verses of the opening hymn, then stop. He, the pastor, then welcomed everyone, asked for visitors to raise their hands, and then asked people to introduce themselves to one another. When the noise settled down, we sang the thrid verse of the hymn. When the new pastor arrived this “ritual” died a fast death. As far as I know, and personally speaking, there were no complaints.

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    1. Rose Radkowski

      It is one thing to ask everyone to greet their neighbors, but it is quite another to single out visitors. Although it is intended to be welcoming, being asked to raise my hand in the sight of all makes me very uncomfortable.

      When we pray and celebrate the liturgy together, we are one community whether we know each other’s names or not.

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  8. Ryan Ellis

    Say the black, do the red. This innovation is not part of the rubrics, and is therefore not permitted in the liturgy. If you don’t like it, have the USCCB request a GIRM adaption with the CDWDS in Rome. Until then, follow the rubrics and be faithful to the Church’s liturgy.

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    1. Charles Day

      As much as I dislike the idea of chit-chat at the beginning of Mass – and I am not anti social, but it interrupts my praying – I think your reason is the least persuasive. All sorts of minor liberties get taken outside of the Liturgy of the Eucharist depending upon the priest or the parish. I like going to different churches just to see these differences as one reason. Trust me, as much as we are One Body, we are also all a little different.

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    2. Dunstan Harding

      Obey, obey. Is that the best we can do? Greet the visitor, tell him/her to shut up, follow the GIRM, and do as your told?

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    3. James Kabala

      I am not a fan of this practice, but if it happens before Mass, can it be considered “part of the liturgy?” Pre-Mass or post-Mass rituals should be allowed if appropriate (e.g., a post-Mass rosary) without being considered somehow against the rubrics. That said, again, I do not care for or see the need for this particular ritual.

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  9. Andrew James Boyd

    I disagree, in principle, with the limited rubricist interpretations that say we should never do anything not explicitly outlined in the text. Such liturgies are the most vapid and least reverential to be found anywhere. So just because there is no official “rite of greeting thy neighbor” is not reason enough to avoid it.

    However, that being said, i have never see this particular approach work well. I would rather hear a compelling homily on hospitality, and making the connection that those who skip out on coffee hour, and moreso those who approach mass with a minimalist heart and either arrive late or leave early, are missing the point of liturgy, which is communal worship, not “me and jesus time”. If you want to be left alone, go do a devotion in your own time – the liturgy is exactly when we should be engaging one another and approaching our God together. It is hypocritical to do that when you do not even know who it is with whom you are praying (obviously, over time, not on a first visit!).

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    1. Samuel J. Howard

      I would rather hear a compelling homily on hospitality, and making the connection that those who skip out on coffee hour, and moreso those who approach mass with a minimalist heart and either arrive late or leave early, are missing the point of liturgy, which is communal worship, not “me and jesus time”.

      What? Those who skip coffee hour are “missing the point of liturgy”? Hardly. (And this from someone who’s entire week is depressed if he misses brunch with friends after Sunday liturgy.)

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      1. AJ Boyd

        Sorry, Sammuel, i may have misplaced a comma. My point was not “those who skip coffee hour are missing the point of the liturgy” but rather “those who approach the mass with a minimalist heart… are missing the point of the liturgy”.

    2. Ryan Ellis

      Then by that logic, let’s paint our faces blue and run up and down the transept during the second reading. After all, it’s not denied by the rubrics, right?

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      1. AJ Boyd

        “I disagree, in principle, with the limited rubricist interpretations that say we should never do anything not explicitly outlined in the text.”

        It does not logically follow that one can do whatever one wants, only that one can do more than what is written. Liturgy should be done well. This is a better argument for avoiding an awkward hand shaking during the introductory rites than the fact that it is not in the GIRM.

  10. Jack Rakosky

    Much research has shown strong relationships between Church attendance and health, happiness, willingness to give time, talent and treasure to worthy causes, etc. Social scientists have long suspected that social networks underlie these relationships.

    The research behind American Grace gave increased clarity about this. People attending church regularly without religious networks have little of these positive effects. Hearing about love and believing in love is far less than experiencing love. People who have religious networks (family, close friends, and small groups) get the benefits.

    Networks have to be religious, and associated with congregations and worship to get substantial benefits. The authors label these relationships “supercharged.”

    Would introductions help create “supercharged” networks? I doubt it.

    Perceived social support, i.e. that people in the congregation are likely to be helpful, may be coordinated with positive life effects. A recent research article showed large congregations have less perceived social support. However social support was perceived to be better in congregations with more than 30 minutes of informal social interaction before and/or after their church services.

    https://praytell.blog/index.php/2011/07/23/congregational-size-and-perceived-social-support-%e2%80%9ccome-early-stay-late%e2%80%9d/

    Catholic congregations in that study were perceived to have less social support even when their greater size was taken into account. This accords with the Vibrant Parish Life finding that Catholics ranked “The parish as a supportive, caring community” second in importance but 18th out of 39 items in being well done.

    Far more work needs to be done in Catholic parishes about creating religious networks of families, close friends and small groups. Socializing efforts before and after Mass, “Come early, stay late” could be a beginning. But it takes more than 30 minutes to be effective.

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  11. Chuck Middendorf

    We’re a Seattle parish filled with tourists during the summer months. In fact, I’d say about half the church is visiting for 1 week only.

    This welcoming your neighbor is essential, and then we turn it into a moment of catechesis about ritual elements that might confuse people visiting from other parts of the US and from throughout the world, so they can more fully take part in the celebration:
    “For those visiting, in our Archdiocese, it’s the norm to remain standing until the final person has received communion. We do this because….”
    “In our parish, we do _____, because _____.”

    It gets a little repetative for the 3+ months of summer. But Christian hospitality requires nothing less. We take very seriously our ministry to “welcome the stranger” (Matthew 25) and “Let all guests be received as Christ” (RB 53).

    So, in short, it’s not part of a stand alone action, but part of a larger welcome to help foster greater participation.

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    1. Samuel J. Howard

      This welcoming your neighbor is essential,

      Essential to what?

      Not everyone wants to be welcomed with a handshake and a friendly greeting.

      One of the nice things about Catholic worship is that it ordinarily allows community without handshaking and hail-fellowing. Your summertime visitor from across the country might have a parent who just died the night before and they don’t want to greet the person to their right and to their left.

      The solution is, as many folks have pointed out, to have a way to make socializing available for those who want it without forcing this nonessential on those who don’t.

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      1. Chuck Middendorf

        Essential to what?

        See what I wrote: The vacation/tourist crowd that blesses us during the summer months.

        With that said, otherwise I agree with what Rita Ferrone and Jack Rakosky wrote below. In a stable community, this would not be the ideal practice. And that’s why we don’t do it outside of “tourist season.”

        It’s true that not everyone wants to be welcome with a handshake and a friendly greeting, but from my/our experience, most “strangers” (and that’s who they are) do!

      2. Samuel J. Howard

        Essential to what?

        See what I wrote: The vacation/tourist crowd that blesses us during the summer months.

        I still say, “Essential to what”. Essential to having a vacation/tourist crowd? They came not knowing they’d get this greeting. Essential to liturgy? You’d have liturgy without the greeting. Essential to treating them hospitably? This kind of greeting makes many people feel awkward. Not making people feel awkward when you can help it is essential to hospitality. If social hospitality is important, why not make an announcement that visitors are welcome to join regulars at a coffee hour after the service and have people there be responsible for spotting and introducing around visitors who’ve chosen to participate in a social function, rather than imposing a social function on those who’ve come for liturgy?

        It’s true that not everyone wants to be welcome with a handshake and a friendly greeting, but from my/our experience, most “strangers” (and that’s who they are) do!

        It’s not clear to me how you could know this. The people who don’t like/want it are the people who’d be more likely to not say anything about it and/or not come back.

      3. Chuck Middendorf

        Really? You really want to know how we know this? How does anyone know if our worship is meaningful? Of course I don’t know percentages, but here’s how I know people find our Sunday worship meaningful:

        1. They come back for daily Mass the next day.
        2. They say they were there the previous summer.
        3. They come back the next Sunday.
        4. Large financial offerings at Mass.
        5. Large financial offerings after they return home.
        6. People who “like” us on Facebook.
        7. People who send us letters and emails thanking us.
        8. People who post positive reviews on Yelp.
        9. People who say “my priest/friend/relative/neighbor said I should attend Mass here.”
        10. People who say “I’m going to tell my priest/friend/relative neighbor to attend Mass here.”
        11. People who tell us as they are leaving Mass they wish their home parish was like ours.
        12. Parish surveys (which visitors participate in).
        13. People don’t leave Mass early.
        14. People stay around for an hour after Mass mingling with parishioners.
        15. Our Sunday attendance keeps growing each Sunday and each year.
        Etc.

        Here are just a handful of ways we could know this.

        And hospitality is not just this one act. The priest and other greets everyone on the street. Other ministers greet them as they enter the church. We do invite everyone to coffee and generous amounts of food after Mass.

      4. Terry Duerr

        @Chuck Middendorf:
        The real indicators of a so called vibrant parish is not what you listed. I would say they would these: Long Confession Lines every week. Many people who commit to Eucharistic Adoration. Many Vocations to the Priesthood and vowed Religious Life. Many Weddings. Many Baptisms. Novena’s. People who go home, don’t tell everyone all the good they do to their neighbors. People who are honest and hard working. People who help their neighbors and the poor without having church committee tell them to do so. I could go on. Your list are superficial indicators. Many parishes you describe above, pull parishioners from neighboring parishes, because it is something different. Then after a few years, it becomes the same thing so they look for something else. It is a never ending cycle of looking for something different. It is Protestantism. They don’t have the Eucharist, so they have to draw people with other things. They pull people from other churches for a while, then they leave.

      5. Chuck Middendorf

        One final thought and then I’m done:
        What’s funny is that personally HATE doing it! It doesn’t go well my stoic Minnesota German upbringing where all displays of friendship are frowned upon. But I know that my personal opinion is not important here, instead what is important is welcoming God’s people as Jesus instructed us to do.

      6. Samuel J. Howard

        How does anyone know if our worship is meaningful?

        No, that wasn’t the question.

        The question was how do you know that “most ‘strangers’ (and that’s who they are)” “[want] to be welcome[d] with a handshake and a friendly greeting” in the pews before Mass (the topic of this post)?

        And that some proportion find the overall experience positive isn’t really the point.

      7. Fritz Bauerschmidt

        what is important is welcoming God’s people as Jesus instructed us to do.

        But surely Jesus gave no instruction about welcoming people in this particular way. Or was your point a more general one?

    2. Rita Ferrone

      Chuck, bravo! (9/8, 8:42)
      If your parish is getting this sort of response, more power to your arm!

      I’d be interested also to know what St. Monica’s parish in Santa Monica California does. I know they set much store on hospitality and they have reaped great rewards.

      Reply
  12. Todd Flowerday

    Great topic.

    I wouldn’t start such a practice in a parish that didn’t do it, and I wouldn’t end it in one that did.

    I think church introverts can be too fussy about nominal contact. As an introvert myself, I don’t mind this “command” at all.

    I believe that hospitality should probably be the responsibility of the entire community, not just ushers, not just extroverts, not just greeters, etc..

    I think in some parishes, it’s unrealistic to expect that Sunday Mass will be the occasion of one-stop spiritual shopping. In other words, I couldn’t imagine my weekly “quiet time” could be accomplished unless I got to Mass at least an hour early–which I sometimes do. If people need quiet time in church, they could come during some of the hours when no liturgy is happening.

    The GIRM makes prescriptions about the purpose of the introductory rites, namely that a sense of community and gathering should already exist by the time these rites begin. If the culture or neighborhood doesn’t provide it, then it is the obligation of the pastor to ensure it happens on church premises. This is a serious obligation, even if he is an introvert. For suburban parishes in the US to invite worshipers to greet one another before the entrance song is well within the keeping of the spirit of the GIRM, and as such is not objectionable. I would imagine if a community reaches the point where the community spirit is clearly in evidence before Mass, then perhaps the ritual has accomplished its purpose, and it’s time to retire the practice.

    And lastly, there are obvious ways to make this ritual obnoxious or friendly and unassuming. We should strive, when we choose to do it, for the latter end of the spectrum.

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    1. Claire Mathieu

      a sense of community and gathering should already exist by the time these rites begin

      One parish I attend has coffee hour before Mass, and in parallel with CCD. Parents come to drop off their kids, then stick around to drink coffee while they wait for their kids to finish CCD and for Mass to start, and are naturally inclined to start conversation with the other people who are hanging out there as well.

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      1. Samuel J. Howard

        Unless the liturgy is exceptionally long, this quickly runs into problems with the Communion fast.

    2. Bill deHaas

      Agree – Todd – +1. (and surprise, surprise – agree with Fr. Allan’s experience and practice above)

      Rita – happen to be in a parish that used Walsh’s suggestions and it has been part of the liturgy culture for years. Over the last few years, it has gotten shortened (eliminated naming every minister and other pre-liturgy announcements) and we only really have time to just say “hi” and shake hands before the music starts. Would agree that you either do it right or, with Fr. Anthony, don’t do it at all.

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    3. Ryan Ellis

      Since you bring up the GIRM on this matter, here is what the corrected translation has to say:

      47. After the people have gathered, the Entrance chant begins as the priest enters with the deacon and ministers. The purpose of this chant is to open the celebration, foster the unity of those who have been gathered, introduce their thoughts to the mystery of the liturgical season or festivity, and accompany the procession of the priest and ministers.

      50. When the Entrance chant is concluded, the priest stands at the chair and, together with the whole gathering, makes the Sign of the Cross. Then he signifies the presence of the Lord to the community gathered there by means of the Greeting. By this Greeting and the people’s response, the mystery of the Church gathered together is made manifest.

      After the greeting of the people, the priest, the deacon, or a lay minister may very briefly introduce the faithful to the Mass of the day.

      ###

      It’s clear from this that the Introit is what is supposed to provide for a communal beginning of the Mass, not some other invented greeting. It is what gathers the assembly in a united liturgical action of worship.

      Also, look at the greeting. We are there as the Body of Christ to interact with the body’s head, Christ Himself. We are not there to greet each other. That is Protestant thinking.

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      1. Todd Flowerday

        Thanks for the comment, Ryan. I was looking more to GIRM 46 than the sections you quoted. It is also vital to look at GIRM 17 and 18, among other sections. The measuring stick I hold to would include a judgment that all worshipers, in body and in spirit, are invited to the full experience of the liturgy. If someone is willing to make a case that a greeting before Mass moves a community in that direction, I’m willing to listen seriously.

        I have no illusions that by itself, a greeting before Mass accomplishes a stronger sense of community/communion. Not by a longshot. But if supplemented by a serious pastoral initiative, it can be of assistance to the overall effort. My own sense of the gesture is that it is a transitional piece, at best.

  13. Rita Ferrone

    My problem with this practice is a little different. I have a lot of experience using ice breakers in groups, and the problem I find with “introduce yourself” before Mass is that it’s a lousey ice-breaker. It’s too little (How many people find “hello” really introduces themselves or the other person?) and even if you say your name, how many remember names with nothing else to hang on it? Yet it cannot be more, given the time frame, nature of the gathering, and expectations of the people. When your ice-breaker falls flat, your people feel uncomfortable and like you have wasted their time. Everyone becomes more aware of how they don’t really know others, and others don’t know them, than they would have if you hadn’t called attention to it in the first place!

    So my feeling is, if you want people to meet other people, do it right. Ritualized hellos are not enough. My preferred strategy is to begin parish meetings, ministry group gatherings, retreats, etc. with really effective ice breakers, so that whenever the parish gathers outside of liturgy, they have met two or three new people by the end of the exchange and they know one or two things about them to take away from the experience. Then, gradually, even in large assemblies, you begin to get a community that knows one another on speaking terms or at least can identify a substantial number of their fellow parishioners with whom they worship. You will have opened the door to Christian friendship, that then can be entered at will, during coffee hour, in the parking lot, or in the play ground or supermarket etc. during the week.

    Reply
    1. Jack Rakosky

      It takes time to build relationships.

      “In round numbers people who have just joined a congregation report two close friends at church. On average, it takes two more years to add a third close friend, ten more years to add a fourth, and another ten years to add a fifth.” American Grace.

      I suspect that it takes so long to build close friendships in congregations because congregations, both the leadership and the people, do not make it a priority. But the benefits in terms of health, and happiness to people, and giving time, talent and treasure to the congregation definitely say that building networks of close friends should be a top priority.

      From my phone interviews of people in bible study small groups (usually about 7 people plus or minus 2), my rule of thumb was that people learn the first names of members of the group at the average rate of about one name a meeting. So that the average person in a seven member group will know the first names of everyone by seven meetings. Of course some people will only learn three or four names, and some people will know everyone’s name by the second or third meeting.

      People even had the aid of using name tags in these groups! They greatly appreciated this. There are many elegant name tags that can easily be reused from event to event. Perhaps people could keep them and bring them to events and Mass.

      People in the Bible study groups wanted to meet more people in the parish but also to develop deeper relationships with existing people; they agonized over whether to continue in the same group or move to another group. Parishes need to do a lot more thinking about how to encourage both bigger networks and some deeper relationships.

      Reply
  14. John Ainslie

    There are cultural factors behind this topic which make it very difficult to generalise. Here in England, in every non-Catholic (sorry about the negative) church the welcome at the door by ushers is de rigueur: in Nonconformist churches the “right hand of friendship” is semi-ritualized, expected and highly respected.

    Catholic churches, by contrast, unless they have organised a proper Ministry of Welcome – and many don’t – seem cold and impersonal by contrast. That welcome needs to be given at the entrance of the church, and it needs welcomers who have the sensitivity to respect the person who wishes to be private, while giving no grounds for complaints such as “I’ve been to this church for years and no one has ever spoken to me”.

    But at most this is a momentary pass-by meeting which the entrant can by-pass altogether if s/he wishes. It is very different to an imposed chumminess that is the subject of this thread. A gesture that recognises those around the individual but is more in tune with the liturgy would be to turn and bow slightly to one’s pew neighbours at “to you, my brothers and sisters” in the ‘I confess’ – as servers used to do (and may still do in EF).

    Reply
    1. Fr. Allan J. McDonald

      When I’ve visited St. Patrick’s Cathedral in New York for Mass in summers past, it was very nice seeing greeters and ushers offering programs for the Mass and doing it in a very hospitable and friendly way and quite a nice contrast to the machine gun toting police outside on the steps of the plaza and I’m not kidding. But with that said, I find New Yorkers in Manhattan very friendly in general.

      Reply
      1. Paul Inwood

        You clearly haven’t noticed the pistols in the armpits of the greeters and ushers inside St Patrick’s, then!

    2. Jeffrey Pinyan

      to turn and bow slightly to one’s pew neighbours at “to you, my brothers and sisters” in the ‘I confess’

      Although I don’t bow (maybe nod my head a bit) I make a note to do this whenever the Confiteor is used. It keeps my body in sync with the prayer, and it gives me a chance to recognize those around me — those I’m asking to pray for me, and who are asking me to pray for them as well!

      Reply
  15. crystal watson

    When I joined RCIA I’d never belonged to any church before and I had a certain idea of what it would be like – a new loving family … not! 🙂 We didn’t have coffee meetings and were never encouraged to introduce ourselves during mass. I did make friends in my RCIA group but never got to know anyone else in three years except the priest. I’m pretty introverted and happy enough now not going to church but praying on my own, but I’m always told how important community is – if church is just a gathering of individuals who keep to themselves, how is that a meaningful community?

    Reply
  16. Halbert Weidner

    Just culturally speaking, I wonder what kind of other churches have the kind of hospitality problems we Catholics seem to have?

    Reply
  17. Linda Reid

    We do not have the enforced “turn to one another and introduce yourselves” but we have wonderful greeters and the congregants visit quietly before Mass begins. It’s a beautiful community atmosphere. At 5 minutes before Mass is to begin, I ring a chime for silence and begin a brief rehearsal. Then Mass begins.

    Reply
  18. Jack Feehily

    In my parish we built a large gathering space where those who choose to do so may greet and interact with each other. We hav e greeters, of corse, to welcome worshippers–you never know who might be a visitor or newcomer. And since we know that Christ will be slipping in to be present among us, we greet all as we would him. I personally do some greeting and interacting myself.
    We also have an ample baptistry which acts as a buffer between the commons and the worship space. I encourage prayerful silence before we begin the Liturgy. The choir ceases rehearsing of it’s music twenty minutes before Mass begins. When all is in readiness, standing near the baptistry I exchange a simple greeting to the assembly. If there’s to be a baptism or first communion I will make them aware and invite them to give special thanks for these members. I then direct their attention to the gathering song and invite them to stand and praise God in song as Mass
    begins.
    On two or more occasions over the last 14 years the parish council will push for a welcome and greeting of visitors right before Mass begins. It has never lasted more than a few weeks because it cuts against the grain of what people expect and are used to. I’m an extravert, but this just doesn’t feel right.
    I encourage the people through catechesis that the greeting of peace is not a “hello how are you moment” but an occasion for a graced moment of prayer with the people immediately nearby. This includes modifying the rubric so that the deacon invites the people to share a quiet and reverent sign of Christ’s peace with those nearby. American die hard “informalists” are perplexed by this and can be seen waving “hi” to friends they recognize across the church. Oh well!

    Reply
  19. Todd Flowerday

    A funny story from several years ago …

    I served a parish in which the music minister was asked to do this duty. One morning, I announced something along the lines of this:

    “Good morning, my friends. We may have guests among us for worship today. If someone is unfamiliar, introduce yourself with a warm Christian greeting. If you know the person, give them a kiss and a hug.”

    The place roared.

    After Mass, a staff colleague, a single woman, came up to me laughing. “Some guy I know,” she said, “that I most definitely did not want to smooch insisted, thanks to you, he now had license to do so.”

    I would challenge parishioners who really think the pre-Mass greet is necessary to explore many possible alternatives. No reason the Mass must bear the weight of what I would concede is a very valid need in most American parishes.

    Reply
  20. Mollie Wilson O'Reilly

    I was once in a parish that did this regularly, and I thought it was terrific. First of all, the invitation to “stand and greet those around you” was issued before the liturgy began, so no worries about respecting the integrity of the Mass. In fact, it made the opening hymn feel more like a common prayer and less like “everybody get to your feet and find your page in the missalette by the time the song is over.”

    It wouldn’t work everywhere; maybe even not in most parishes. But that parish was a small, relatively stable community, which is actually why I think this practice worked so well. I recognized people that I saw every Sunday, and this gave me an excuse to tell them my name and find out theirs. Could I do that on my own? Sure, but to be honest: I wouldn’t, and most of the time neither would they. But here I had an invitation to say, “Hi, I’m Mollie,” and in future weeks we could call each other by name and maybe start finding out a little more about each other. It was simple, but it worked. It also made the sign of peace more meaningful, since I already knew who was sitting behind me before I turned around. And, let’s say the people in front of me had rowdy kids or stinky perfume or something else that might make me scowl. I’m much less likely to get judgmental when I’ve “met” the person, however briefly. I’m more understanding, more focused on the fact that we’re there for a common purpose — which is really beneficial to my prayer.

    We did this at my wedding, too — again, because I think it works best when people are not total strangers but also not quite acquainted. Since everybody in that congregation was there for the same, specific reason, we thought having them introduce themselves to any pew-mates they hadn’t met (“I’m the bride’s cousin… I went to college with the groom”) before we began would remind us all of that fact and make the celebration seem more like a common prayer and less like a performance. And it did.

    Reply
  21. William Schmidt

    We must create Community! We are God’s People! Culture does not dictate how we act, Jesus as we learn in the Gospel, does. What Kingdom do we belong to? Barriers are broken down as we celebrate the Liturgy! Following Jesus and gathering is counter culture. Jesus said: “Noli me tangere” only once but that was only until he ascended to our Father. Extrovert or introvert are not excuses. What should God’s People gathered together for Eucharist look like? Aren’t we ashamed that people no longer say: See how those Christians love one another? What does a Gathering for Eucharist look Like? Eucharist is not a private devotion!!!! Knowing and loving is important.

    Reply

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