Lent is a time for prayer, fasting, and almsgiving.\u00a0 It\u2019s also a time for reflection on this desert life\u2014reflecting on the dryness and darkness which we see around us.\u00a0 Through our focused conversations with God, shedding of unnecessary luxuries, and giving to others, Lent asks us to see differently and to be differently\u2014to pierce through cold darkness, and to bring life to dry bones.<\/p>\n
My desert this past week has been parking lots\u2014specifically, crowded, busy parking lots.\u00a0 In two cases, in two different south-central Indiana towns, something strange happened to me: large men in large cars looked at me with anger, pointed fingers, and shouting.<\/p>\n
First, please put all \u201cfemale driver\u201d comments aside because, in one case, I was a pedestrian!\u00a0 Also put \u201cyoung person\u201d comments aside, because (at least in my students\u2019 eyes), since I actually owned a tape deck and remember the ![\"Image](\"https:\/\/s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com\/736x\/3d\/dc\/b8\/3ddcb81aae6a573d13c0d550d8c5a1ac.jpg\")
\u201880s, I am in no way \u201cyoung.\u201d\u00a0 Whatever.<\/p>\n
As for my deserts:\u00a0 in my first instance, my husband and I were leaving an excellent pizza parlor, where we\u2019d met my parents for lunch.\u00a0 Because it\u2019s excellent pizza, the lot is always crowded.\u00a0 We got into the car and, after checking my mirrors, I slowly backed out of the space, and put the car in drive.\u00a0 To my surprise, a large gray pick-up truck, with a large gray man inside, was blocking my way forward.\u00a0 I looked at him\u2014it seemed he simply needed to back up so I could finish pulling out.\u00a0 He did not move.\u00a0 He pointed and yelled.\u00a0 It seemed he wanted my space.\u00a0 I started at him.\u00a0 As he did not yield, I ended up shimmying my little Ford back and forth, in order to slip by.\u00a0 He promptly pulled into my vacated space.\u00a0 Why didn\u2019t he move for me?\u00a0 Wouldn\u2019t that have been easier?<\/p>\n
In my second instance, my husband and I were walking through the parking lot after shopping at the local big box home improvement store.\u00a0 The store was crowded on the weekend, and there were pedestrians everywhere.\u00a0 Spotting our car, I looked both ways and began walking toward the lane in which we were parked.\u00a0 Noticing an oncoming, large, gray pick-up truck about 75 feet away, I held up my hand in thanks, to signal I knew I was crossing (far) in front of the large, gray man inside.\u00a0 But the man did not pause\u2014he sped up, and began to blare his horn, stopping just a yard or so from me.\u00a0 He did not move. \u00a0He pointed and yelled.\u00a0 It seemed I was in his space.\u00a0 I stared at him.\u00a0 I continued to walk\u2026slowly\u2026toward my car.\u00a0 He promptly squealed by.\u00a0 It seemed he thought I was in his way.\u00a0 Why did he come rushing at me?\u00a0 Why was he surprised to find pedestrians in parking lots?<\/p>\n
After both of these events, my kind husband asked, with some bewilderment\u2014\u201cwhat was all that about?\u201d\u00a0 Attempting utter calm, I replied, \u201cI have no idea.\u00a0 But I think I just got big, bad-manned.\u201d\u00a0 In my dictionary of life, being \u201cbig, bad-manned\u201d is somewhat similar to being \u201cman-splained,\u201d if you\u2019re familiar with that term.\u00a0 Except, being \u201cbig, bad-manned\u201d usually involves an action (by a male) which makes you (the female) feel stupid, belittled, and as if you were taking up too much space\u2014too much space in the desert.<\/p>\n
There may have been legitimate reasons for these men to have been frustrated at me.\u00a0 Perhaps my pizza parking lot friend did not see me pulling out\u2014or thought I should have pulled out at a different angle.\u00a0 Perhaps my home despot friend hadn\u2019t seen me begin to cross.\u00a0 But, I struggle to affirm that these men were right to point, to shout, or to look at me with such disdain.\u00a0 And\u2026I wonder if their reactions would have been the same if I were a man\u2026and not a woman.<\/p>\n
Sexism is real\u2014but it happens in such subtle ways that it is often impossible to catalogue, to cite concrete evidence, or to explain.\u00a0 And, of course, saying something \u201cfeels\u201d like sexism simply reinforces stereotypes regarding female reasoning processes and emotional sensitivity.\u00a0 In both cases, my big bad-man experiences felt like sexism.\u00a0 And sexism, along with racism, age-ism, elitism, and a host of other biases, are part of the littered landscape of this Lenten desert.<\/p>\n
I can\u2019t change the actions of others\u2014but I can work on my own host of \u201cisms\u201d\u2014my own blindnesses, my own angry pointing and yelling.\u00a0 Perhaps rather than staring and walking slowly through desert-ed parking lots, I can work on calling others (or even myself) out of the desert this Lent.\u00a0 With hope, a little Lenten prayer, fasting, almsgiving may help me to see differently and be differently…even in the midst of the big bad men in the parking lots of life.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
In my dictionary of life, being \u201cbig, bad-manned\u201d usually involves an action (by a male) which makes you (the female) feel stupid, belittled, and as if you were taking up too much space.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":55,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_wpcom_ai_launchpad_first_post":false,"_jetpack_hide_featured_image":false,"_jetpack_featured_image_duplicate_dismissed":0,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[3119,357,17],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-35779","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-the-plaza-new-ws","category-demographics-and-sociology","category-liturgical-spirituality"],"yoast_head":"\n