Viewpoint: Unsympathetic Confessors Abuse the Sacrament and Turn People Off

by Msgr. M. Francis Mannion

Recently, I had a conversation with a woman who had not been to Confession for ten years because the last time she went the priest bawled her out. I assured her that the vast majority of priests do not act like that, and I advised her to muster enough courage to go to the sacrament again.

I told the woman of my own experience with a priest in Confession in a major Roman basilica. The priest was quite contentious, and we quickly began to argue (He started it!). I told the priest thanks but no thanks and I left half way through the Confession. (I have thought many times since then that had I been a “fallen-away” Catholic who, while in Rome, was inspired to go to Confession for the first time in years, and had a bad experience with a confessor, I would possibly never darken the door of a church again.)

While there are few bad eggs among confessors (from what I hear, some Roman basilicas have more than a few), I think most priests try hard to be kind and generous in celebrating the sacrament. It is certainly the mind of the church that confessors act lovingly in the model of Jesus when they hear confessions.

I mailed the lady with whom I was taking the following description of the good confessor from the Catechism of the Catholic Church: “When he celebrates the sacrament of Penance, the priest is fulfilling the ministry of the Good Shepherd who seeks the lost sheep, of the Good Samaritan who binds up wounds, of the Father who awaits the prodigal son and welcomes him on his return, and of the just and impartial judge whose judgment is both just and merciful. The priest is the sign and the instrument of God’s merciful love for the sinner” (no.1465).

The Catechism states elsewhere: “The confessor is not the master of God’s forgiveness, but its servant. The minister of this sacrament should unite himself to the intention and charity of Christ. He should have a proven knowledge of Christian behavior, experience of human affairs, respect and sensitivity toward the one who has fallen; he must love the truth, be faithful to the Magisterium of the Church, and lead the penitent with patience toward healing and full maturity. He must pray and do penance for his penitent entrusting him to the Lord’s mercy” (no.1466).

I know a confessor (not in my diocese) who gives himself the same penance as he gives every penitent, and carries it through as an act of solidarity with penitents. Every week, he gives all the penitents the same penance, and he tells each one that he is taking on the same penance himself. I asked him how the penitents react; he said they are always moved and most appreciative.

That is a powerful and positive approach to the role of the priest in Confession. Not every priest can go to heroic lengths to express solidarity with penitents, but a priest could take on some penance at the end of Confession period.

Pope Francis, who recently announced a Year of Mercy, has constantly spoken about the need for priests to be ministers of mercy committed to seeking out and bringing back the lost sheep, and demonstrating compassionate solidarity with people. Priests are called to go out to the margins, where people with all kinds of spiritual maladies are struggling to find direction, bind their wounds, and lead them back to the experience of a merciful God.

Msgr. Mannion is pastor emeritus of St. Vincent de Paul Catholic Church in Salt Lake City. Reprinted by permission of Catholic News Agency.

Francis Mannion

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Comments

12 responses to “Viewpoint: Unsympathetic Confessors Abuse the Sacrament and Turn People Off”

  1. Peter Kwasniewski

    There’s no question whatsoever that the problem you mention is a real one.

    On the other hand, a far greater problem is the loss of a sense of sin (connected with a failure to preach about mortal sin at all), the relative unavailability of the sacrament of confession, and the lack of encouragement to make use of this great sacrament at all levels of the Church (except for Pope Francis, who frequently encourages it! — would that everyone would listen and follow his example).

    I have spoken with dozens of priests over the years who have told me that when they start offering opportunities for confession regularly — for example, every day, before Mass — they start to have more and more penitents. There’s something “infectious” about a priest who believes in holiness, in forgiveness, and in the urgent need to cure the disease of sin, as Jesus did.

    Reply
  2. Fr Richard Duncan CO

    The best confessors are the ones who go to confession themselves regularly. This isn’t always easy, but the best preparation for giving mercy is to receive it oneself.

    Reply
    1. Anthony Ruff, OSB Avatar
      Anthony Ruff, OSB

      @Fr Richard Duncan CO:
      Amen! Well said.

      Reply
  3. Fr. Jack Feehily

    In the “good old days” that preceded VII, parish confessors were available on Saturday afternoon and evening mainly for the benefit of Catholics who wanted to go to Communion the following day. During Lent there were additional times for confession for the benefit of those who needed to make their “Easter Duty” (confession and communion once a year) and for those grave sinners who were prompted to return to Christ. I had an experience reminiscent of the one reported by Msgr. Mannion. After disclosing one of my worst sins, the confessor said something shaming and slammed the sliding partition. I was genuinely scandalized but also moved to pity for this errant confessor. I prayed and waited for him to push the slide back–expecting a new sinner–when I said: Father, I’m sorry that you have forgotten why you are hearing confessions and I will be praying for you. Then I asked if he would let me finish my confession. He permitted me to do so and gave me penance and absolution. Because of that and because God has shown me so much mercy, I have always presented to every sinner the face of the Father of Mercies. May He be forever praised.

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  4. Karl Liam Saur

    How common is it for what I call the interrogatory form of confession to be used in the Roman basilicas? That is, where the priest essentially conducts a “trial” in the form of a proferred examen of some sort? I know people who’ve experienced this, without ever having encountered it before at St Peter’s Basilica, and I am sure it’s deeply disturbing in such a context.

    I’ve had bad experiences in confession. I’ve heard horror stories, I’ve had wonderful ones. Decades ago, my mother told me that it’s rare for priests to be gifted in all their priestly ministries – the terrible preacher might be a wonderful confessor – and vice versa. My experiences have taught me her caution to me was very wise. I’ve witnessed priests whose preaching might make you think they’d be a disaster in the confessional be supernally gifted instead. And, of course, vice versa.

    I try to go every month, a disicpline a kind confessor invited me to take on a decade ago. The more often I go, the less I am focused on the individual personality of the confessor and the more I feel in the presence of Christ. Mostly, I go anonymously to maintain that focus; my nature is to tend to the reactions of people in front of me, so I find going face to face invites me to tend to the confessor instead of letting Christ tend to me – it’s easier to give than to receive. I share a common ailment that I tend to lay my sins at the foot of the Cross, but try not to leave them there too long because God has more important things to deal with. (Darkish humor alert.)

    Reply
  5. Ren Aguila

    Fr. Jack Feehily : In the “good old days” that preceded VII, parish confessors were available on Saturday afternoon and evening mainly for the benefit of Catholics who wanted to go to Communion the following day. During Lent there were additional times for confession for the benefit of those who needed to make their “Easter Duty” (confession and communion once a year) and for those grave sinners who were prompted to return to Christ. I had an experience reminiscent of the one reported by Msgr. Mannion. After disclosing one of my worst sins, the confessor said something shaming and slammed the sliding partition. I was genuinely scandalized but also moved to pity for this errant confessor. I prayed and waited for him to push the slide back–expecting a new sinner–when I said: Father, I’m sorry that you have forgotten why you are hearing confessions and I will be praying for you. Then I asked if he would let me finish my confession. He permitted me to do so and gave me penance and absolution. Because of that and because God has shown me so much mercy, I have always presented to every sinner the face of the Father of Mercies. May He be forever praised.

    A good story. Thanks for sharing this one.

    Reply
  6. Bruce Janiga

    I remember being on a retreat in high school when an old monsignor addressed this problem to someone who asked him how to react when the confessor yells at you. He said to tell the priest, “I came here feeling like the woman caught in adultery and I thought you would act like Jesus.”

    Reply
  7. Charles Day

    This is a really interesting topic, and I am surprised there aren’t more comments, but I will say there is quality in the comments so far if not quantity. In my mind, there are lots of dimensions to this that can make it more complicated than might be realized at first.

    Karl’s advice from his mother is just gold. Also, I’d like to think that I would have the presence of mind to do what Fr. Jack related, but I admit I probably would not. Once a month sounds like a pretty good goal. I am inspired.

    I am too old and battle-scarred to be offended too much by someone bawling me out. I have the opposite problem. I love my pastor, but going to confession with him for me is not very useful. Why? He’s too nice. I am involved in a couple of ministries at church, and after relating my sins he will say something like “I wouldn’t worry – you do a lot of good and I am sure God forgives you”. Well, thanks, but I was hoping for a little more insight. My favorite confessor has retired and moved home to a different part of the country, but his approach was gentle but very useful. He would hear my confession and then begin asking a series a of questions which was essentially identifying the reasons I was committing these sins and suggesting ways to break the cycle. I miss him. He had an unusual gift.

    And yes, Karl’s mom was right here: as good as confessor as I thought he was, he was generally thought to be a horrible homilist.

    Reply
  8. Bruce Janiga

    Charles,
    We were taught not to interrogate. Sounds like you were experiencing a hybrid of the Sacrament and spiritual direction. This is not a bad thing, but it doesn’t always work well when there’s a line outside the door of the reconciliation room.

    Reply
  9. Lee Bacchi

    Somewhere Pope Francis said that the confessional is not a torture chamber, with which I agree 1000%. When I hear the confessions of some extremely scrupulous people, I think the Pope meant that for the confessor as well as the penitent!

    Reply
  10. Steve Woodland

    Once, in St Peter’s Basilica, many, many years ago, (I was a first year seminarian), I had a very intrusive, creepy confessor. i got out of there post-haste. Some times the best lessons learned are those which teach us what NOT to do: This is how it went.
    Fr. Creepy: You are having sexual troubles. Masturbation…………..?
    Me (stammering) : Uh, it’s no trouble………

    Reply
  11. Dominic McManus, OP

    One thing that I drill into our student brothers is this: for most Catholics, the only one-on-one experience of ministry they will ever experience from their priest is in the confessional. You can’t afford to screw it up.

    People like us, who care enough about this to read and write about it on the Internet and in journals, who go to endless meetings and have read libraries’ worth of books and articles are in the extreme minority. Most of our people just have habits and intuitions, and we simply can’t afford to alienate, offend, or malign people, especially in the context of the sacrament. That’s not to say there’s no room for challenge. In fact, when you’re not caught on being a self-righteous jerk then you can usually afford to challenge the penitent more, because a certain measure of trust has already been established.

    I learned a good lesson from the priest who taught me marriage prep. Figure out in the first session or two whether the couple are living together or not, and whether they’re sexually active or not. Don’t comment much, certainly don’t harangue, just acquire the information in a spirit of openness and honesty–you can’t be expected to prep a couple if you don’t know their situation. Then, in the course of the same situation, ask the couple how often they pray together. For most, though certainly not all couples, they have a lot more sex than they go to Mass. Then simply wonder aloud how much easier it is to sleep with someone than to pray with them. He swore that every time they’d come back. At the time I didn’t believe him, but I’ve used it dozens of times since. If they want to get married then they want real intimacy, even if they don’t know quite what that means. They just need some help getting there.

    The penitent wants real intimacy too, but intimacy with God. Like the couple, they just don’t quite know how to get there. Not every confessor has to be a Padre Pio or Cure’ d’Ars, but they all need to be able to listen, praise, challenge, and forgive without…

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